What Now?

The French have many phrases I love. One phrase I like is raison d'être. It can be translated as “reason for being.” Well, I’m trying to figure out exactly what mine is. I’m in a rut really, not sure where to go from here. I think that if you’re in your 20s and you’re not super confused, then you’re doing it wrong.

Now that life is no longer structured by academics, we have a new found freedom and a new found question, “What now?” I dare say all of my close friends have confided in me that they’re asking “What now?” along with me. It’s nice to all be confused at the same time, but direction from those who know me best would be nice as well. Ha! I’m still asking “What now?” on a daily basis. At least I know where I’m supposed to be (Chicago). That’s an advantage I don’t think many people my age have. However, getting there is going to be tricky because I have no clear plan or path yet.

March 2012 kind of threw my life in blender. It’s still mixing and I’m excited to see what the product tastes like. I often think about what my thoughts were when I was in Chicago in December and what they are now. What a difference four months can have on one’s life. Constantly, constantly changing. I will say that although life looks unimaginably different than I thought it would four months ago, I’m happy. I’m content. I’m ok. I still feel like this blender I’m in is just a holding cell for my life waiting to be released.

The Lord has me pinned down right now for some reason and is just hacking away at a lot of places in my life. Can He scream “Trust me!” any louder? I think not. Am I listening? I don’t think good enough, let’s put it like that. Meanwhile, I'll continue to try to discover ma raison d'être.